Entry 34: Foods of Thedas - Pig Oat Mash for One

Image Description: The Pig Oat Mash recipe from the World of Thedas Vol. II cookbook, scroll down for source and link.

I have been keen to make the Hanged Man's famous Pig Oat Mash from the World of Thedas Volume II cookbook since I before I started this blog. But I have also been put off by this recipe for reasons that may be surprising. I observe a low fat, low oil, vegan diet so while the "two handfuls of dried salt pork" or "smoked bacon" was certainly a factor in my hesitation, the real reason that I was slow to cook up this glorified oatmeal recipe is more due to a core principle of all cooking and baking: flavor profile.

Spicy, sweet, bitter, sour, and salty (umami) are the main flavors human, elves, dwarves and even Qunari like to consume, and they enhance and balance each other in unique ways. The puzzle that I find in Pig Oat Mash as the recipe reads is that its flavor profile is all over the place.

As with all recipes in this cookbook, the recipe is frustratingly sparse on details and I stand by my assertions that there is no way any of the writers who drafted these Thedosian recipes actually tested them first. Pig Oat Mash is basically my case and point. The variation of salty, savory, and sweet, depending entirely on the apples and berries (and the state of the berries!) used leaves far too large of a margin for error in flavor quality. Just about every version I have read or watched of this famous Dragon Age goop online has people feeling disappointed by overly sour or confusing flavors.

Also, the recipe makes way too much and cooks for way too long.

And on the topic of bacon: animal or plant derived, why in the Maker's name would literally anyone ruin bacon by adding it to oatmeal? 

So I scaled back and modified this recipe to make it just something special an individual can enjoy for themselves for any special occasion.

Behold: Skyhold's Pig Oat Mash for One! Yes, it is purple. I used fresh blueberries, that's why.

Image Description: A sharply lit bowl of purple Pig Oat Mash (without the vegan bacon, as the Maker intended).

To start, I placed all my ingredients on my counter: Rolled oats, one small red apple, fresh blueberries, maple syrup, vegan bacon and a local lager.

Image Description: The above listed ingredients arranged elegantly in glaringly awful florescent light.

As said above, the original recipe lists an absurdly long cook time. Rolled oats take 10-15 minutes to cook through, even for the amount of oats suggested in the recipe. They are quick, healthy and delicious. Steel cut oats take much longer to cook. They absolutely need about 45 to 50 minutes to cook in the vague quantity described. But this kitchen mage does not have time to wait that long. Rolled oats is the way to go as they are just as filling and nutritious as steel cut oats, and have the benefit of easy, quick cooking.

Image Description: An above shot of uncooked rolled oats.

The bacon was trickier to adjust. I had never eaten vegan bacon before this recipe trial. I tried Lightlife to see how it holds up to my memory of animal bacon. It has a bacon-y flavor certainly, but has the texture more like turkey bacon rather than pig bacon.

Image Description: Lightlife Smart Bacon box in the background, plant-based bacon in plastic
packaging in the foreground. It looks like turkey bacon.

And for the beer, I choose one of my favorites, Kilt Lifter by Pike Brewing Company. I highly recommend checking out this brand and their line of beers wherever you procure alcohol.

To start, I peeled the apple.

Image Description: A two-image college, top: small red apple with peeler on a wood cutting
board; bottom: small red apple peeled with peeler on a wood cutting board with chopping knife in the background

Then diced into smaller pieces.

Image Description: A close up image of freshly chopped, peeled apple.

Then added the oats, apple pieces, blueberries, and water into a small saucepan.

Image Description: Uncooked blueberries, apple pieces, oats and water in a small saucepan. 

While the oats cooked, I added a small amount of cooking oil to a cast iron pan and cooked the bacon separately. With beer. It was wonderful.

Image Description: Three pieces of Lightlife plant based bacon cooking in beer in a small cast iron pan.

And then I poured the rest of the beer for myself after I flipped the bacon.

Image Description: A tall glass of lager in the left forefront,
a green and yellow lager can (now empty) in the right background.

The oats cooked quickly and the apple smelled delicious! And then the blue berries started to get mashed as I stirred, turning my oatmeal a weird purple. While I love this color for my blueberry spinach banana breakfast smoothies, I was decidedly put off by its presence in my oatmeal. If I try this recipe again, which is likely because I love oats, vegan bacon and beer for breakfast now, I will try using dried blueberries. And while I have not tested this, I think that the cook time will need to be increased a little and an additional tablespoon or two of water may be necessary to help soften the dried berries.

Image Description: Cooked purple oats with apple and mushed blueberries in a small saucepan.

Consider yourself warned about fresh blueberries in oats. They are totally delicious and compliment the apple and oat flavors well, but the color may not make your breakfast pictures Instagram-worthy.

And there it is, topped with maple syrup and served, a glorious, hearty and certainly upgraded version of Pig Oat Mash: cooked oats with bacon and beer on the side. Skyhold's Pig Oat Mash for One!

Image Description: In the foreground, a spoon with cooked apple, blueberry and oatmeal.
In the background,A bowl of purple oatmeal, a plate of vegan bacon to its right and a glass of beer, partially shown).

I hope you give this easy, quick recipe a try and never make the OG recipe because it is truly an affront to flavor palates of all kinds. And remember to share on social media using the hashtag (#)foodsofthedas! Thank you!


Pig Oat Mash for One

Prep time: 5-10 minutes
Cook time: 10 minutes
Yields: 1 serving

Ingredients:
1 small red apple, peeled and diced
1/4 cup blueberries, fresh or dried
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 1/4 cups water
2-3 teaspoons maple syrup
1/2 tablespoon oil or cooking spray
2-3 slices of vegan bacon
1 16 ounce beer, ale or lager

Directions:
Add oats, apple, blueberries and water to a small saucepan. Heat over medium low heat until oats are cooked and apples are soft, stirring occasionally to keep oats from sticking or burning to the pan, about 8-10 minutes. Add to a bowl and top with maple syrup.

While oats are cooking, heat a nonstick or cast iron pan over medium heat and add bacon. Pour in a small portion of beer. Pour the rest of the beer in a glass for yourself. Flip bacon after beer has cooked away, about 3 minutes. Continue to cook bacon until slightly browned, about another 2 to 3 minutes. See package instructions and modify process as needed. Plate and cover once cooked to keep warm.

Serve oatmeal, bacon and beer together as a delicious breakfast for yourself. You've earned it.

To make for two, double recipe; for three, triple; and so forth.
To store: don't. Reheated oatmeal is not something worth trying. Just enjoy yourself and eat it all up.


From my Skyhold to yours, wishing you warmth, cheer, and delicious food this festive season!

Walk always in the Maker's light.

END NOTES: Apologies for the terrible lighting in the pictures. In my region, we are reaching the period of near total darkness and florescent light makes for poor picture quality. Still, this recipe came together easily and it was super sweet to enjoy a beer with breakfast. 10 out of 10, totally recommend if you are staying in and hanging out at home for the day. I'll be back in January with another delicious recipe! Thank you for reading!


Like what you are reading? Great! Come back for a new entry on the third Thursday of each month (mostly). And have a look at my previous entries for other recipes, and Dragon Age-related trivia and oddities!

Have any friendly suggestions or cool ideas? Want me to veganize your favorite recipe? Please comment below. You can also email me at foodsofthedas@gmail.com, message me at AGSamuels on Reddit, or tweet me at @FoodsofThedas on Twitter. You can also follow me on Instagram, @foodsofthedas.


Foods of Thedas, formerly Gourmet Vegan Thedas.

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Source:

Dragon Age: World of Thedas Volume 2. www.darkhorse.com/Books/22-389/Dragon-Age-The-World-of-Thedas-Volume-2-HC
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